Sunday, December 26, 2010

Something New

Still don't quite know what I want. I know don't want to get married again. I know don't want to play house and live with anyone, or wake up next next to them every morning. I want the freedom of having my own space to be myself. At the same time I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too in the sense that I do want to have a relationship with someone. I would like it be meaningful relationship with them, not necessarily be something defined by current cultural standards. Something we define as our own.

Not sure if that right someone is even out there. I like the idea being able to have someone in my life who I can talk to and is willing to share the same with me. At the same time would like them to have their own life. Someone who has their own home yet wants to come over and spend time with me having fun just because.

I'm sure for the right person I might change my mind somewhat on my current boundries but I want to take things slow. Both my marriages started with fast kinda crazy worldwind romances, yet neither lasted. I want to make sure to take my time when it comes to romance moving forward.

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Good riddance to 2010

This year has been less than stellar for me. I really am looking forward to 2011 and all the new possibilities it may bring. They say the biggest changes in life happen when you get a new job, get married, buy a house or have a baby. My life has major changes this year but almost in reverse. I'll explain:

• Started the year off already going through a divorce. Yes, this was my choice. Never imagined that I would have to take my ex to court just to get him to move out of the house or that I would be the one having to pay child support & alimony. Now I only have 50% custody of my youngest child.

• On New Year's eve last year my oldest daughter (15 now) had her first suicide attempt of the year. Yes, I spent New Year's eve in the ER. Unfortunately it did not stop there. It has been a constant issue this year with her, 5 suicide attempts so far.

• I have had a chance to make some wonderful friends this year. At the same time I have met really crappy fake people that I know wish I had never met. The same goes for guys I have met since being single and dating.

• Found out just before Thanksgiving that I'm being laid off in the first part of the new year. It has caused me to hate my job which I have not done in the last 12 years. It has really thrown me for a loop.

So I'm losing a job, getting divorced, worried about my kids and due to the lay off may need to seriously reconsider my housing options. Major life changes all around this year. Yes, I have survived but I am looking for next year to be better. It would be great if I could relax just a little and enjoy life a bit.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone