Thursday, June 24, 2010

The phone call.....[warning do not read if you are easily upset]

I never thought a phone call could change my life, but it did.

I was 8, my parents had taken us out to the movies. It was raining when we got home. Mom was trying to open the door. My dad was caring my sis since she had fallen asleep. The phone started to ring before the door was open. I ran inside and picked it up. On the otherside was a woman crying. She asked for my dad so I of course handed him the phone. A few words where exchanged between them. He went into his bedroom with my mom right on his heels. I could hear them arguing but not quite sure what they were saying. A few minutes later, he had a bag in his hand and left.

Didn't know exactly what happened, but I sure was about to find out. Once that door closed my mom started to scream at me hysterically.
"You are never to answer the phone again" "it's your fault your daddy left"

She was then on the phone with my grandma and aunties yelling and crying. She seemed to cry all night. I must have fallen asleep since our house had a eerie stillness to it in the morning. Once my mom was up she packed a few bags and off to grandma's house we went. The next day she left. My sister and I were there for a week. No one would tell us what was happening. Where are parents were. I'd try calling home and the phone would just ring and ring. My sister and I felt abandoned by both of our parents.

When my mom finally returned to get us she said, we moved. She had managed to have her job transfer her to a location 2 hours south of where we lived with my dad. She had rented a house and moved furniture in.

My parents were seperated. My mom was working crazy hours to try & make ends meet. During the week, we had a maid that watched us. I use that term losely as she was an illegal my mom paid her under the table. Since she had no one to watch us on the weekend there was an elderly distant relative she would drop us off with.

We didn't have a choice about this. During this time my dad maybe took me & my sister for the weekend twice. This relative had an older son that lived with her. I'm not entirely sure how old he was but I want to say late 20's. At first he was very nice to us regularly drawing us pictures of Hello Kitty. This was 1980.

After a while just one of us would be in his room. Initially it was no big deal. Then he started to regularly stand me in front of his mirror with him standing behind me. He would rub his hands up & down on my non-existant breast. He would tell me that when I was a women I would enjoy this. Things progressed each weekend that we were there. Finally to the point where he would put his hands all the way down my pants. Now, he would seperate me & my sister as much as possible. I would try to regularly protect her as much as I could. I couldn't image him doing the same to her, but he did.

Weird thing was this went unnoticed. We would BEG our dad to come get us. Would ask to be left home alone. Plus the regular bladder infections. Unnoticed. No, our patents were in their own world. This went on for a year and a half before we moved again.

By the time I was 13 I had finally told my parents about this. Only to have my dad call me a liar. Soon afterwards this man was at a family reunion. I was horrified! My dad wanted to see me explode & go off, I didn't. I spent the day sitting in a corner with a fever & throwing up from being so upset. I failed to react the way my dad expected. Therefore according to him, I was never molested and I had lied in his eyes.

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What to do, what to do!

So it seems that if one aspect of my life is going well the other parts just fall to pieces.

Although work has been extremely busy this year, I have already exceeded my savings targets for this year. I have also received two awards and just found out this week that I'm going to receive another award next week. Career-wise yes life is good.

The other aspects, not so much! As many of you know I'm going through a pretty messed up divorce. My ex is really been going after me for as much money as possible. No only in the form of child and spousal support, but also my stocks and retirement accounts. I don't mind the child support. I do resent the spousal support, he works for another pharmaceutical company and earns good money. Now this week he is being laid off, so he has been wanting to take me to court so that he can get half my salary. This has had me fuming of course!

We previously agreed that I would keep our house. With the current status of the economy we would end up selling at a loss. The issue that comes up is how do I maintain an a house this size, my sanity and support my ex. As much as I love this house I feel like I have to walk away. It is just four walls, wood & concrete right? So why is the idea of selling my home so hard. For all I have worked for and accomplished this idea makes me feel like a failure. At the same time I want to be able to spend what I want when I want & buy things for my kids. I want to take vacations. With having to support my ex I really have been having to watch what I spend & I really hate that.

Now that I have failed at two marriages and most likely will have to sell my house, yeah life sucks!